3. Allowing your need to be right to be more important than your need to be happy.
One of the biggest relationship challenges of all is the need to be right. This need causes power struggles, mistrust, and conflict in relationships. This need to be right has a negative impact on communication, setting and achieving relationship goals, cooperation with financial issues, and intimacy and s3xual struggles.
If you need to be right above all else, your partner will feel judged, unimportant, insignificant, unloved and under-valued for who they are. What makes relationships work is when both partners align with the relationship, not themselves.
Your challenge is to see the value in your partners views and beliefs and to consider their points of view. This helps broaden your perspective of your partner’s experience, and deepens the meaning of the relationship.
Doing this promotes inner happiness , and shows your partner you care about them, value their perspective, and value your relationship with them .
4. Sweeping important issues under the rug.
Many relationship concerns and issues get ignored, overlooked, and buried because of the daily rush around work, raising kids and meeting other needs and obligations. These demands leave little to no time or energy for partner-to-
partner discussion. Maybe one or both of you dread confrontation and conflict, or maybe you just don’t make the time to talk things out and work through issues together .
Sweeping problems under the rug is avoidance, which only leads to bigger challenges and problems arising later on. You can only avoid an issue for so long before it shows its ugly self in the way of resentment, tension, arguments, and
mistrust. As the saying goes, “What you resist will persist.”
Learn to accept and deal with issues and conflict as they happen to avoid greater conflict and hurt in the future. Use constructive problem-solving skills and seek to be proactive rather than reactive within the issue and the discussion around problem-solving it.
5. Putting your children’s needs first.
As more single and divorced adults are raising children on their own, they continue to seek a suitable life partner. While dating and blending families as a couple can be a wonderful experience, it can also be challenging and
difficult, full of frustration, misunderstanding, tension and resentment.
Researcher E. Mavis Hetherington, PhD found that the the divorce rate for second marriages “to be 50 percent higher in remarriages with stepchildren.” Not all blended families have the same level of complexity, Dr. Hetherington went on to specify that in “simple stepfamilies” (where only one partner brought a child or children to the new marriage) the overall divorce rate is 65%, whereas when both partners have children from previous
relationships (“complex stepfamilies”) the divorce rate is slightly more than 70%.
There is often much resistance and struggle from the children, and a major adjustment for them. Children may feel powerless, because the blending is not their choice. This can cause greater resistance and defiance to one or both partners/parents in the relationship.