Last night in a hovercraft diner imagined by Yeezy mastermind Kanye West for his new line of science fiction apparel for Adidas, West found himself berated by friend, frequent collaborator, and Rocafella mogul Jay-Z after J discovered his wife’s phone containing drunken messages from West in which he detailed his secret devotion to the queen of hip-hop.
“KNOW IT CAN’T BE EZ BECAUSE YOU BONNIE TO JAY, BUT ALL I’M TRYING TO SAY, IS THAT I’M MAKING YOU BABY, I CAUGHT THESE FEELINGS IN PARIS, AND THEY’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY,”
texted West rhyming amazingly well considering how many bottles of distilled water and congnac he had already consumed.
Apparently, Kanye had become aggitated by media remarks regarding the abhorrent sneakers which were apparently inspired by West’s travels through time to a dystopian future where he would steal the design from a poor orphan soldier fighting an army of robots bent on destroying mankind. “They hate me. They don’t understand me,” whined the weirdo via text messages to Beyonce in an attempt to gain pity.
After the berating from last night, Jay-Z attempted to reconcile the situation with his young protege along with a not-so-veiled warning by releasing this statement:
“IT REALLY AIN’T EASY BEING THERE ON THE THRONE AND YOU CAN LITERALLY HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT. THE NATURAL INSTINCT IS GOING TO BE TO FIND THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T. I AIN’T MAD AT HIM, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I TRUST HIM.”